Speak Life

Here is where I hope to begin a journey of sorts. I have been feeling so drawn toward paper, pen, story, revelation, education, and other elements of retrospect and reflection. I have spoken on and written on my desire to return to writing. But I’ve been afraid. And, I’m so tired of this fear. I hear in my head the words which shape much of my life “Do not conform” “Be not afraid” “Lean not unto thy own understanding” “Get out of your boxes” “Keep it simple” and more and more lately, the words of Tori Amos return to me, as though requesting an ear: “sometimes, I said sometimes, I hear my voice and it’s been HERE... silent all these years.” Then there’s the others, shouting at me then staring, expecting a response. There’s Mos Def, Jill Scott, Dave Matthews, Lauryn Hill, Fred Hammond, Maya Angelou, Terri Mcmillan, Langston Hughes, Talib Kweli, hell- there’s even Michael Jackson, Zapp and Roger, my circle of friends from High school, my peeps from Showcase Cinemas, my band camp buddy, there’s the kids on the stage at North East singing with me our rendition of LL. Cool J, changing the title to “Round the Way Boy” and wondering why we were momentarily unafraid of our peculiarities…. There’s India Arie, and my good friend whose walls witnessed many poetry writings and readings, sometimes over a Hot-n-Now cheeseburger kids meal. There’s my mom. There’s my husband, too – wondering what happened to the woman he met… And then there’s me. I’m in here! I want to shout, or even whisper. But until now I’ve been somehow as I said, afraid. What will people think? Who might stumble upon my musings, and what will they say? They surely won’t understand… so I censor my self… and it sucks, and I hate it….

No more. I don’t think I can take it. I cannot keep being this version of me, no matter how fearful I still am of the process of re-opening eyes and heart, expelling life into these lungs once again. I need it.

So- I am buying some journals, starting this blog… and we shall see what comes of it. I’m so done with the quiet.