Positively... 8.18.09

I have been thinking a lot lately about this whole idea of thinking, speaking, being.... I'm looking forward to what I hope will be an addition to this new old me.... Thinking and speaking and believing positively. No negativity, or at least a limit on my doubtful or non-positive thinking moments... I have always been a rather positive and optimistic person. I can't say that I have become a pessimist, or that I could ever truly be one. I somewhere along the path of life acquired this certain love for life and a belief in good. Good in people, good in life... I am still that person at best. Yet, what I’ve noticed, in retrospect (or whatever the word is I'm searching for) is that I have sort of betrayed that blissful, rosy lensed view on things I once held so near and dear.

I used to get offended and irritated if someone told me I was too much of a dreamer, and saw too many silver linings. In fact, I dead ended relationships in early stages based on such accusations…. Somewhere along my travels, I sadly admit I let a couple things change me, twist and turn me into this whatever it is that I am…. But at least I’m on my way back. It is hard to “keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs…” (Kipling)…. And still, I must learn to keep mine. Because that’s just it, they are mine. I have to be me… Walk in the shoes which fit me and live the life I was made and placed for. I have to be me. Whoever it is, whoever it will be… But life, it is but one, there is no reset, no undo. You get a chance at it and you can fix stuff, but you can’t just click and snap back to the start… or where you left off… ‘cause who knows... Who knows the start? And who knows the place where you inserted a bunch of strange characters in all the wrong places? Who knows?

I do know I’m still in here… I can go back and get me….but why not live it at its best and fullest degree going in. Be strong and of good courage. Be you. Lord knows I plan to be me. It might take a few moments, a couple contemplations, and several self-affirmed reminders, but I will be me.