Guess You Told Me!

Sometimes, being put in your place is not a negative occurrence at all. I was recently 'put in my place' by my teacher assistant.

I am beginning to feel like maybe my purpose for teaching and for working with kids is more than meets the eye. In my job... I practice trial and error. I do this, I do that; I try this, I try that. I often feel as though I've failed or missed the mark, and in many ways, I feel simply at a loss.

A common phrase I've been known recently to utter: "I did not sign up for THIS." or "This isn't teaching." Yet, what I am learning is that I do have a VERY useful and specific PLACE in teaching. Where I am - and just as I am. I bring something to the table, and the way I am with students is helpful, encouraging and edifying in the minds and eyes of other educators. In the words of my teacher assistant, 'Sibs', "Working with you has been a dream. We were dealt a tough hand, but we pulled together and made some magic happen... You are kind, thoughtful, encouraging, and caring. I can see why your students love you - you let them know how much you care and I hope I can be the same way."

She has seen me as I am - I put on no shows. She's witnessed several speeches on doing better and rising above ... and has mastered and adopted phrases such as, "get over yourself," and "what's your deal?"... She's also seen me nearly crash and burn, after numerous attempts at quieting and calming a room of ... misdirected youth... as I close my eyes and resolve with a phrase yelled just above a whisper and through clenched teeth, "shut your mouth!" ... Yeah, that was 5th hour, a few weeks ago. Sibs has seen it all. She knows more than she likely ever wished to know about how odd things can be for teachers.

And here I am. It's amazing... and sort of humbling, too. I'm just being me... struggling, trying... barely wading in a tsunami of messed up stuff. But I'm honest, I'm open... I'm real. Sort of transparent - and I guess that's good for something.

(special thanks to L. Sibs for the insights and the wonderfully crazy time in the trenches. I know you'll be an awesome teacher. You've got what it takes.)