Yesterday, I had a thought. “What if I pretend that things were the way they used to be?” Okay. There is some intentional missing information which cannot currently be disclosed, but I’ll just say that there are several life events revolving around a certain focal point, and each new event has built upon the prior collection of events, resulting in tension, unresolved emotions, and a degree of uncomfortable disconnection… all of which I have become quite tired of.
What’s funny to me about this is that the fact that I have allowed bitterness to creep into such an important and valuable part of my existence, and until yesterday, I hadn’t officially wrapped my mind around it. I am the only one standing in the way of my happiness. I am. I am allowing my emotional reaction from years ago to overtake my own peace of mind. I, the same one who proclaims to be a purveyor of peace, and I, the same one who preaches to others on the power of letting go, have been holding in a vice grip my hurt feelings from so many years ago, creating a foundation for wall upon wall upon wall of discontent and defensiveness. Yet I wonder why things are the way they are…
So, yesterday, I stumbled upon something, as a part of a fantasy land… as I grasped at any possible way to alleviate the funkiness surrounding my inward life. You know, that private part of life most folks only get a glimpse at? That part of us we wish we didn’t even have? Yes, it’s that part you might try to push aside, set on a shelf, or lock away… That part. I could be wrong, but I bet we all have a couple parts like that. Well, one part of my life that’s like that is about to come undone.
I want to jump up and down – it’s so amazing… and here it is: I have simply told myself to forget it.
I can and will act like the initial offense never occurred. It was not done on purpose, and certainly not done with intention to hurt me. The offense could not possibly have been designed specifically to impact me.
And to take it further, here’s the thing – even if it was purposed with intention to hurt me, I am still choosing to forget. Why? Because that was then and this is now… Because I’m tired of the pain and confusion… Because the source of offense has no idea (not really)… Because I don’t want to be connected to negativity… Because it feels way better this way.
And beyond any of that, I follow God, and I believe in forgiveness. It is one of several paths to freedom.
Just kinda funny how this revelation dropped so hard into my yesterday… like I’d never thought it before in other circumstances. I am far more content with being in peace and accord than discontent and confusion. God is not the author of confusion. God is the author of my life.
So, I will begin today to unlearn whatever I must, in order to detach myself from negativity and reconnect with love and peace. Nice. Very nice.
Matthew 6:8-15 (Amplified)
“ …your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors. And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”
Bible Gateway passage
Mark 11:25 (Amplified)
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.”
Bible Gateway Passage
I wish I had given you a copy of A NEW EARTH. Until I read it, I had no idea why I would find myself in some sad place inside. I would stay there, for what reason I do not know. It was as if I wanted the sadness, the hurt. I realized that I have control over the feelings I allow in my life. I also had to get to know that little voice in my head. That voice is not me. I am the one listening to that voice. I can tell it to "shut up". I can overrule it. That little voice, that ever present, nagging, negative, faultfinding voice is not the boss of me. On top of that, I began to live in the "NOW". Let go of all that past STUFF. I cannot change or affect what I did or what happened in the past, so I let it go. Oh, it might reach out to grab me from time to time, and sometimes I have almost been tempted to reach back, but if I look it staight in the eye, I can see what it is up to. Then I can throw my head back and laugh. "You didn't get me...again".
ReplyDeleteWow, I wont Comment. Just Jesus is the only way to God.
ReplyDeleteAnd Try Living Life, because speaking it will just keep you on the porch, as you rock back and forth observing it.
Az Real, try opening your eyes. If you understood what Speaking Life was all bout and didn't take it to a place it was never intended to be, you might understand a few other things as well. I'm not perfect. No one is. Life is hard, and often not a peaceful or joyful place. "Speak Life" is just about trying to change the process of dealing with it all. It is an attempt to look at things in a positive optimistic light as much as possible and share joyful exchanges as often as possible. That is all.
ReplyDelete