A Month for Me

Tomorrow is August 1st.  Many people with summers off from work (like me) begin to do some thinking around now.  Has my summer been productive?  Did I accomplish goals I wanted to?  Did I have fun?  Did I take time to relax?  We all treat vacation differently.

I am a teacher, and what I spend my summers on is usually making up for lost time.  I try to hang with the fam, spend as much quality time as I can with my daughter and my husband, without the feeling of being pressured by other stuff from work.  I love that about summer!  No big pressures.  I also try to mix in some time for me… time to replenish, energize, and plot out new directions. 

At this point, I have figured out where I want to go, and how to get there.  I have even taken some steps in that direction.  Now, some who have summers off know the blessing it can be.  You have precious time to work with, wherein you can breathe easy, slow your pace, see life more completely, and take time to do what you struggle to make happen during the work-year.   I can only speak for myself, but it seems like I actually take leave from myself during the school year, while I’m teaching.  I’ve been trying to work on that, but that’s a separate entry, altogether. 

My life is not the same and neither am I, when I’m working.  I love my family, I love my job, and I enjoy learning through my graduate courses, but there’s a missing ingredient, when the focus is all on others, and outside elements.  What about me?  I’m here for everyone else, except me… during the school year.  So, this summer, I’ve decided to take time to strengthen my relationship with my husband, my daughter, AND MYSELF.  Life has many works in progress.   One work in progress I sat on a shelf a few years ago was me.  I am certain that a happier, more full self will result in a happier, more well-balanced life.  I’ll be better at everything I do (including being a wife, mother, friend, and teacher) when I become a better me. 

So, all that being said, I am feeling a bit anxious today – July 31st.  Some know the strange feeling that approaches with August.  It’s like, okay, this time is not over, but it’s more ‘over’ than not.  Two months down, one to go.  It makes me feel the need to sink in deeply, making sure I’ve covered the bases.  Things change for me in the fall.  So, here’s the deal.  I will be fasting and praying all of August, to seek direction and guidance, as well as kicking several resolutions into high gear.  I’m just fasting from ice cream and fast food, but believe me, that will be enough to serve my purposes.  My purposes  are all linked to self-renewal, including value of self, commitment to health and fitness, increased self expression, and a few other things, which easily blend into those categories.  So, here we go… one month of me… to hopefully prepare myself to be better, more readily available and prepared to serve the purposes God has predestined me to fill at this point of my life.  Lord, may I emerge from this fast more fit – mind, body, spirit, and soul – and ready…

Thank you, Amen.

Progress.

As a busy mom, now at a new stage in life, I felt for a long time that I was exploring uncharted territory. No one could have prepared me for my life as it is now. I think I was in a state of shock for the last couple of years. My life has been great, no real complaints at all. Something was wrong, and I knew it, but it was pretty easy to ignore. Then, a few months ago, I finally began to snap out of it. Like I told my good friend, it's like slowly awakening from a deep sleep.. and feeling lost. Everything is fine, truly. And everything is a mess. Some of you can relate. Others think it sounds crazy. I understand, and I honestly don't think I can explain, so I'll just move on. One day, it might make perfect sense to those who don't understand today.

Yesterday, I was at Family Dollar buying some things, and noticed a small book, called "a Taste of Chicken Soup to Inspire a Woman's Soul." It's from the authors of "Chicken Soup for the Soul" and there is a full version of this book, but this little 'taste' just costs one dollar, so it goes in the cart, plus a copy for a friend. These are the words I found in the first two pages… in the introduction to the book:

"If you use this time to re-evaluate your life – to question anything you've been doing on autopilot for a long time, be it in your career, family, or relationships – then you can begin to unearth the secret wishes that will take you back to a more authentic sense of yourself" (Canfield, p. vii).

"How can you make this time of your life rich in self-discovery, growth, and transformation? To start, you can honor where you have been and what you've done; you can acknowledge the challenges you have endured, the strengths you have accumulated, and the knowledge you have extracted from your experiences. In other words, you can celebrate all that you are and all that you are becoming" (Canfield, p. viii).

At this, I experienced several sensations in unison – relief, awe, confirmation, and propulsion.

Feels nice.

Do what makes you happy.

Do you ever wake up wondering about your day?  Asking what the day ahead holds?  Sometimes, I do.  Sometimes, I try to get to the bottom of the day’s purpose, thought pattern, or even decide upon a theme for the day or week.  Well, I don’t do it very often, but it’s a practice I’d like to begin exploring.  What if I started each day with the question, “Ok, What’s today gonna be about?”  Of course, in my case I’m asking this question part to myself and part to another strong force, to be soon disclosed herein (ha, I love using words like that sometimes…. soon disclosed herein – that’s funny).

 Any how, today, as I was getting ready for my day, I was looking in the mirror (while brushing my teeth) and thought “So, what’s up with today?”  After a pause, I heard a small, still voice say, “Today, do whatever makes you happy.”  My immediate reaction was, “Wait a minute… that seems a little extreme and selfish even… possibly careless.”  So, the voice said, “Oh, let me explain…” And I realized the true message.  And it’s not just for me, and not just for today.  It’s for everybody, every day. 

What I thought was my own inner voice telling me to just live it up, because, hey – life is short, was actually the Holy Spirit whispering for me to look ahead, and use each day to create happiness, not just for today, but for life.  Let me say that again in other words:  Live each day in pursuit of happiness.  Do today what will make you happiest in the long run.  If this includes different things for each individual person’s pursuit, that makes perfect sense.  My pursuit of happiness includes a strong relationship with God, a close and loving relationship with my husband, a tight bond with my daughter, the health and longevity of my extended family, financial security, creative outlets, educating myself and others, personal fitness (feeling and looking my best), and much more.

Today, and for everyday, I hope I will always remember to Do What Makes Me Happy.

Practicing What We Preach

Is it just me, or do we sometimes forget to do what we know we should do?  I believe most of us have had a set of experiences that have taught us to do or not do certain things.  We have learned our lessons, and even shared them with others.  That’s why it’s so peculiar.  I know the things I need to work on.  I can even advise others on best practices in life.  So, why do I do things that I know I shouldn’t do?  Why don’t we always practice what we preach?  As many might answer, “Nobody’s perfect.”  And some might say it’s because we haven’t yet arrived.  We are not yet where we are destined to be.  It’s just odd to me.  How and why do we continue behaviors that we know aren’t getting us anywhere? 

Lord, help us to walk in discernment, with You as our guide.  Help us to lead productive lives, and to always take a moment’s pause before acting or reacting.  Thank you, Amen.

Kids Are Funny.

I have been amazed so many times this summer. I was first a tad bit amazed at my decision to teach summer school, after the year I had. It was a logical choice, though. It made sense for many reasons, and I don't regret it at all, aside from the time I missed out on at home. That's another discussion altogether...

Well, today was the last day of summer school. As I watched the students today, I was half-blown-away by a few things, which I can just barely put into words. There's so many stories in a classroom, and so many in each student, I am sometimes led to just smile thinking about the whole mix of things. I am trying to start a sentence here about a few specific kids that were in class this summer, and each time I start, I stop myself because it seems not right... I truly can't express what I'm thinking in simple words.

Here’s what I can write: Every kid needs to be appreciated, accepted, and shown love. Every single student, every child, as often as possible. My mother and my aunt have expressed a similar thought about teaching/education. How would I want my child treated? Here’s what I tried doing this summer… I became a step more real. I always try to respect my students, even those who are far less than respectful themselves. I try to think about what has caused or led to their behavior instead of focusing on the behavior itself. I try to speak kindly and be slow to become frazzled or upset. I try to watch and observe and respond in a sensible way. This does not mean I never lose my temper or run out of patience. That happens too. It’s just interesting to see what transpires when you teach and talk to kids, not at them. I haven’t said here what I set out to say… but there’s just something awesome about time and teaching. If you pay attention, and relax a little, you’ll watch kids grow leaps and bounds and you’ll laugh – a lot.

Today, on the last day of summer school, I had students who didn’t want to leave, students who were beaming from ear to ear about passing the class (because they never dreamed it possible), and a couple working harder than I thought they could (or cared to) just to finish a poster project that may or may not help their grade. And then there’s me – I told an eighth grader today, “Wow, summer went so quickly. I’m almost as sad as I am happy.” Karisha, who had returned to the classroom, after she had been dismissed for an awards ceremony, said, “I know!” then looked around to see who heard. Then, she sorta meandered around the room, and I thought she might have had more to say… perhaps I’ll never know. Kids are funny.

Sssshhhhh.......

Silence is golden.  Isn't that part of a song or something?  Well, I was just thinking how true it is.  It is absolutely amazing - the power of silence.  We do not always have to respond.  Wait.  Marinate.  Allow the thought process to do what it does.  Step away from defense... If you haven't ever tried it.  Try just listening.  I took a class a few years ago that was supposed to teach very basic skills for counseling.  One of the most valuable things I learned in that class is how important it is sometimes to just be quiet.  Stop finishing other people's sentences, filling in the blanks and having such quick responses.  Just wait... wait... wait.  Ask a question, and then wait.  Make a statement, and then wait.  Roll things you hear around in your head a while before slamming down your response.  If you haven't tried it... please do.  If you have tried it, I hope you like it and have learned from it as much as I continue to.  I believe that doing this can truly change your life.  Truly.

You, Too?

 It's so awesome when a set of words can meander into our lives and somehow stick... often resonating years later with deeper meaning than whatever profound meaning first occurred.  Anyway... several years ago, I heard something like that and it's stuck with me ever since.  One of my favorite artists is Lauryn Hill, who was once very famous as a mainstream musician.  One might call her pop, hip hop, or maybe even soul.  Possibly even R&B.  In any event, when she began to feel herself slipping away from herself, she took a voyage inward and years later released an album most refer to as "Lauryn - Unplugged." 

This album has many great songs, and is very rich in thought, reflection... and then some.  One of my favorite songs on the album is called, "I Get Out." It talks about living life out of the box, being free to just be.  Somewhere on that album, she talks (not in a song, just in a spoken interlude) about how nice it is to be free - be who God created you to be.  She mentions how it feels to put aside vanity and pressure to be perfect, flawless and fit some standard.  How neat it is to just let your belly out and then when you see another person who is also living free, belly out, unafraid to just be free, you can smile and say, "You, too?"

Too many of us are hiding.  Even if we have great reasons for hiding... wonderful respectable causes for our masks, disguises, and ahem... girdles...  it is my hope and prayer for all of us that we find the time and ability to love ourselves fully and completely enough, to let it all out, get out of our boxes, step firmly into each breath and step of life, meeting friends with the nerve to free themselves, and smiling....

"You, too?"

One You...

It's been a while since I stopped by my own spot, my little space for words and thoughts... mini-explorations.  So, here I am again.  And what's cool - time has lifted me to a new place, and the best thing ever is emerging.  I was thinking on my way home today... How nice it feels to be REAL.  If I could name my current voyage, the word authenticity would have to be in the title.  It is my hope to improve my authentic self as soon as humanly possible by all means within my grasp.

There is a scene in the movie Great Debaters where Melvin Tolson (Denzel) is speaking to the debate team (mostly to a troubled young man named Henry Lowe) and informs him it is his job as teacher and coach to help him "find and take back [his] righteous mind."  That is one of many favorites for me in that movie.  I love it.

I hope more and more people can find the courage to be free in truth, embrace reality, keep it Real, and hold tight to a very precious, authentic and righteous mind.  You only get one you.