"Un Learning"

It’s really something how we live and learn …and live more and learn more. Sometimes we relive and relearn… and often times, I’ve even had to un-learn.

Yesterday, I had a thought. “What if I pretend that things were the way they used to be?” Okay. There is some intentional missing information which cannot currently be disclosed, but I’ll just say that there are several life events revolving around a certain focal point, and each new event has built upon the prior collection of events, resulting in tension, unresolved emotions, and a degree of uncomfortable disconnection… all of which I have become quite tired of.

What’s funny to me about this is that the fact that I have allowed bitterness to creep into such an important and valuable part of my existence, and until yesterday, I hadn’t officially wrapped my mind around it. I am the only one standing in the way of my happiness. I am. I am allowing my emotional reaction from years ago to overtake my own peace of mind. I, the same one who proclaims to be a purveyor of peace, and I, the same one who preaches to others on the power of letting go, have been holding in a vice grip my hurt feelings from so many years ago, creating a foundation for wall upon wall upon wall of discontent and defensiveness. Yet I wonder why things are the way they are…

So, yesterday, I stumbled upon something, as a part of a fantasy land… as I grasped at any possible way to alleviate the funkiness surrounding my inward life. You know, that private part of life most folks only get a glimpse at? That part of us we wish we didn’t even have? Yes, it’s that part you might try to push aside, set on a shelf, or lock away… That part. I could be wrong, but I bet we all have a couple parts like that. Well, one part of my life that’s like that is about to come undone.

I want to jump up and down – it’s so amazing… and here it is: I have simply told myself to forget it.

I can and will act like the initial offense never occurred. It was not done on purpose, and certainly not done with intention to hurt me. The offense could not possibly have been designed specifically to impact me.

And to take it further, here’s the thing – even if it was purposed with intention to hurt me, I am still choosing to forget. Why? Because that was then and this is now… Because I’m tired of the pain and confusion… Because the source of offense has no idea (not really)… Because I don’t want to be connected to negativity… Because it feels way better this way.

And beyond any of that, I follow God, and I believe in forgiveness. It is one of several paths to freedom.

Just kinda funny how this revelation dropped so hard into my yesterday… like I’d never thought it before in other circumstances. I am far more content with being in peace and accord than discontent and confusion. God is not the author of confusion. God is the author of my life.

So, I will begin today to unlearn whatever I must, in order to detach myself from negativity and reconnect with love and peace. Nice. Very nice.

Matthew 6:8-15 (Amplified)
“ …your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors. And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”
Bible Gateway passage

Mark 11:25 (Amplified)
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.”
Bible Gateway Passage

Practicing What We Preach

Is it just me, or do we sometimes forget to do what we know we should do?  I believe most of us have had a set of experiences that have taught us to do or not do certain things.  We have learned our lessons, and even shared them with others.  That’s why it’s so peculiar.  I know the things I need to work on.  I can even advise others on best practices in life.  So, why do I do things that I know I shouldn’t do?  Why don’t we always practice what we preach?  As many might answer, “Nobody’s perfect.”  And some might say it’s because we haven’t yet arrived.  We are not yet where we are destined to be.  It’s just odd to me.  How and why do we continue behaviors that we know aren’t getting us anywhere? 

Lord, help us to walk in discernment, with You as our guide.  Help us to lead productive lives, and to always take a moment’s pause before acting or reacting.  Thank you, Amen.