Only weeks away from the start of two more online grad classes and the start of a new school year at a new building... But it feels all right. Going in this year, I feel a specific desire set:
love God
love family
love my self
love my work
love my life
Things may twist, straighten, and then turn all over again, but right now, it's okay. God has it all in His hands, and this is a better place than any other for my life to rest. Lord, I just pray that you will guide and direct my family and I through each day of this year. I feel something quite new and intriguing surrounding us. Now, I come in the name of Jesus, against any foul plan designed to uproot, confuse, or cause dismay in a life designated for blessings and favor. I claim, by God, that this new day, and every new day, is just that - new. I am choosing, with sound mind and determination to spray a repellent all over any area of my life which has been an attraction for negativity.
Call it what you will, but a life of optimism and a life directed toward the fulfillment of high hopes still appeals more to me than the converse. You get what you seek. I seek positivity. Thus, therein lies my focus. That's all. ;-)
8.24.2010
8.14.2010
"Un Learning"
It’s really something how we live and learn …and live more and learn more. Sometimes we relive and relearn… and often times, I’ve even had to un-learn.
Yesterday, I had a thought. “What if I pretend that things were the way they used to be?” Okay. There is some intentional missing information which cannot currently be disclosed, but I’ll just say that there are several life events revolving around a certain focal point, and each new event has built upon the prior collection of events, resulting in tension, unresolved emotions, and a degree of uncomfortable disconnection… all of which I have become quite tired of.
What’s funny to me about this is that the fact that I have allowed bitterness to creep into such an important and valuable part of my existence, and until yesterday, I hadn’t officially wrapped my mind around it. I am the only one standing in the way of my happiness. I am. I am allowing my emotional reaction from years ago to overtake my own peace of mind. I, the same one who proclaims to be a purveyor of peace, and I, the same one who preaches to others on the power of letting go, have been holding in a vice grip my hurt feelings from so many years ago, creating a foundation for wall upon wall upon wall of discontent and defensiveness. Yet I wonder why things are the way they are…
So, yesterday, I stumbled upon something, as a part of a fantasy land… as I grasped at any possible way to alleviate the funkiness surrounding my inward life. You know, that private part of life most folks only get a glimpse at? That part of us we wish we didn’t even have? Yes, it’s that part you might try to push aside, set on a shelf, or lock away… That part. I could be wrong, but I bet we all have a couple parts like that. Well, one part of my life that’s like that is about to come undone.
I want to jump up and down – it’s so amazing… and here it is: I have simply told myself to forget it.
I can and will act like the initial offense never occurred. It was not done on purpose, and certainly not done with intention to hurt me. The offense could not possibly have been designed specifically to impact me.
And to take it further, here’s the thing – even if it was purposed with intention to hurt me, I am still choosing to forget. Why? Because that was then and this is now… Because I’m tired of the pain and confusion… Because the source of offense has no idea (not really)… Because I don’t want to be connected to negativity… Because it feels way better this way.
And beyond any of that, I follow God, and I believe in forgiveness. It is one of several paths to freedom.
Just kinda funny how this revelation dropped so hard into my yesterday… like I’d never thought it before in other circumstances. I am far more content with being in peace and accord than discontent and confusion. God is not the author of confusion. God is the author of my life.
So, I will begin today to unlearn whatever I must, in order to detach myself from negativity and reconnect with love and peace. Nice. Very nice.
Yesterday, I had a thought. “What if I pretend that things were the way they used to be?” Okay. There is some intentional missing information which cannot currently be disclosed, but I’ll just say that there are several life events revolving around a certain focal point, and each new event has built upon the prior collection of events, resulting in tension, unresolved emotions, and a degree of uncomfortable disconnection… all of which I have become quite tired of.
What’s funny to me about this is that the fact that I have allowed bitterness to creep into such an important and valuable part of my existence, and until yesterday, I hadn’t officially wrapped my mind around it. I am the only one standing in the way of my happiness. I am. I am allowing my emotional reaction from years ago to overtake my own peace of mind. I, the same one who proclaims to be a purveyor of peace, and I, the same one who preaches to others on the power of letting go, have been holding in a vice grip my hurt feelings from so many years ago, creating a foundation for wall upon wall upon wall of discontent and defensiveness. Yet I wonder why things are the way they are…
So, yesterday, I stumbled upon something, as a part of a fantasy land… as I grasped at any possible way to alleviate the funkiness surrounding my inward life. You know, that private part of life most folks only get a glimpse at? That part of us we wish we didn’t even have? Yes, it’s that part you might try to push aside, set on a shelf, or lock away… That part. I could be wrong, but I bet we all have a couple parts like that. Well, one part of my life that’s like that is about to come undone.
I want to jump up and down – it’s so amazing… and here it is: I have simply told myself to forget it.
I can and will act like the initial offense never occurred. It was not done on purpose, and certainly not done with intention to hurt me. The offense could not possibly have been designed specifically to impact me.
And to take it further, here’s the thing – even if it was purposed with intention to hurt me, I am still choosing to forget. Why? Because that was then and this is now… Because I’m tired of the pain and confusion… Because the source of offense has no idea (not really)… Because I don’t want to be connected to negativity… Because it feels way better this way.
And beyond any of that, I follow God, and I believe in forgiveness. It is one of several paths to freedom.
Just kinda funny how this revelation dropped so hard into my yesterday… like I’d never thought it before in other circumstances. I am far more content with being in peace and accord than discontent and confusion. God is not the author of confusion. God is the author of my life.
So, I will begin today to unlearn whatever I must, in order to detach myself from negativity and reconnect with love and peace. Nice. Very nice.
Matthew 6:8-15 (Amplified)
“ …your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors. And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. For if you forgive people their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go, and giving up resentment], neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.”
Bible Gateway passage
Mark 11:25 (Amplified)
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop.”
Bible Gateway Passage
We Stay
We change, but we stay the same. Took a quick trip down memory lane. It's funny. I see the places I've been, the people I've met and the relationships and experiences that either have served as connectors or separators. I wouldn't trade my life for any other, but it's just funny when you look back. Sometimes I'm amazed at where I've been, where I am.. yet it's still just me. Here I am.. and I ♥ it.
8.13.2010
"Our Deepest Fear"
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Maryanne Williamson?
These words have been found and repeated by many. Some may have attributed these words to the Great Nelson Mandela, some may have heard these words in the movie Akeelah and the Bee, and others may recall these words from a scene in the movie Coach Carter. I don't know about you, but for me, these words are right on time right now. I have been experiencing a sort of minimized high... a slighted degree of confidence and worth. I have a lot going on and much to be excited and even giddy about... but it's people around me who have to keep reminding and motivating me toward believing in myself - pushing forward, reaching further. I have just published my first book of poetry and I act like it's no big deal. Really, I KNOW it's a big deal... but something in me won't let me admit it or show that I know it. Perhaps it's modesty. Perhaps it's a lack of vision, but I just keep getting amazed at other people’s responses to my book. Why doesn't my own initial response match theirs? Very peculiar, I'd say.
Well, I am planning to focus on confidence, vision, and moving onward and upward. Thanks for the inspiration, energy, and encouragement family and friends. And thanks for these words Maryanne Williamson. And thank you Lord. I know You answer prayer.
-Maryanne Williamson?
These words have been found and repeated by many. Some may have attributed these words to the Great Nelson Mandela, some may have heard these words in the movie Akeelah and the Bee, and others may recall these words from a scene in the movie Coach Carter. I don't know about you, but for me, these words are right on time right now. I have been experiencing a sort of minimized high... a slighted degree of confidence and worth. I have a lot going on and much to be excited and even giddy about... but it's people around me who have to keep reminding and motivating me toward believing in myself - pushing forward, reaching further. I have just published my first book of poetry and I act like it's no big deal. Really, I KNOW it's a big deal... but something in me won't let me admit it or show that I know it. Perhaps it's modesty. Perhaps it's a lack of vision, but I just keep getting amazed at other people’s responses to my book. Why doesn't my own initial response match theirs? Very peculiar, I'd say.
Well, I am planning to focus on confidence, vision, and moving onward and upward. Thanks for the inspiration, energy, and encouragement family and friends. And thanks for these words Maryanne Williamson. And thank you Lord. I know You answer prayer.
8.11.2010
Simpify, Simplify
This school year, I am starting with a few missions, the first of which is family.
Okay, so how does that look... and what am I talking about? Here's the deal. Every year, I LOVE my summer. It is the best time for me to experience new things, and dig deeper into whatever interests and hobbies I'm into that year. It's a refreshing, renewing time. Ever since getting married and starting a family, my summers have been a bit different.
As most parents know, family generally changes everything. I love my job, even with the challenges and stresses, but I must say that I felt way better about my job when I was on my own. Why? Well, I can admit that my teaching job has a tendency to consume my life in many ways. I really get into my work with the students and the school. So, one could imagine that things would be very different when a couple of more pressing priorities enter the life of someone like me. My family means more to me than my job, yet my job is highly demanding. There's planning, preparing, the cumbersome act of teaching itself, staff meetings, additional duties toward school improvment, there's the grading piece... so much goes into effective instruction, and it's not all just about the curriculum being taught. For me, it's about the kids.
I work with a somewhat disadvantaged population, and I always feel like it is my job to try my best to give them what they need... filling in what's missing, even when I'm not sure what that is. There are not enough teachers, in my opinion and observation, who still seem to actually care about the kids. It's easy to forget about them, because they make it seem like they don't want or need anyone's help or support. I keep trying to remember,"They're just kids, and I was a kid once... one day, my daughter will be in school; how should she be treated?" This is my fuel. Teaching is not an easy job if you actually want to make a difference. You get the picture.
Well, anyhow... this year, I have decided it is my mission to help the kids at school at absolutly no cost (or the absolute least cost) to my home life. This means that I really need to work at it to get things in proper places and keep them there. I am tired of being too tired for everything during 9 months of every year. So my plan is to simplify everything, not expecting so much of myself at work, and not letting work affect me so much at home. Of course, I have not mentioned how grad courses have also impacted my life at home, but thankfully, this is my last year of that! Thus, I begin my thought process toward finding simplicity, and enriching life as a result. Here goes!
Okay, so how does that look... and what am I talking about? Here's the deal. Every year, I LOVE my summer. It is the best time for me to experience new things, and dig deeper into whatever interests and hobbies I'm into that year. It's a refreshing, renewing time. Ever since getting married and starting a family, my summers have been a bit different.
As most parents know, family generally changes everything. I love my job, even with the challenges and stresses, but I must say that I felt way better about my job when I was on my own. Why? Well, I can admit that my teaching job has a tendency to consume my life in many ways. I really get into my work with the students and the school. So, one could imagine that things would be very different when a couple of more pressing priorities enter the life of someone like me. My family means more to me than my job, yet my job is highly demanding. There's planning, preparing, the cumbersome act of teaching itself, staff meetings, additional duties toward school improvment, there's the grading piece... so much goes into effective instruction, and it's not all just about the curriculum being taught. For me, it's about the kids.
I work with a somewhat disadvantaged population, and I always feel like it is my job to try my best to give them what they need... filling in what's missing, even when I'm not sure what that is. There are not enough teachers, in my opinion and observation, who still seem to actually care about the kids. It's easy to forget about them, because they make it seem like they don't want or need anyone's help or support. I keep trying to remember,"They're just kids, and I was a kid once... one day, my daughter will be in school; how should she be treated?" This is my fuel. Teaching is not an easy job if you actually want to make a difference. You get the picture.
Well, anyhow... this year, I have decided it is my mission to help the kids at school at absolutly no cost (or the absolute least cost) to my home life. This means that I really need to work at it to get things in proper places and keep them there. I am tired of being too tired for everything during 9 months of every year. So my plan is to simplify everything, not expecting so much of myself at work, and not letting work affect me so much at home. Of course, I have not mentioned how grad courses have also impacted my life at home, but thankfully, this is my last year of that! Thus, I begin my thought process toward finding simplicity, and enriching life as a result. Here goes!
8.01.2010
Family
I'm sitting here with my family. We are on the front porch, my husband and I. He's relaxing, patting his foot to the music coming from my laptop. I am (or was) working on the last assignment for my summer class (I'll get right back to it, I hope). Our daughter is playing with her water play table, making 'soup' for her 'friends' out of water and leaves. I thought to myself, how horrible it would be if I did not pause to notice this blessing... this moment. It seems small, and it is. But who said awesome could not be synonymous with simple? Treasure your blessings, beloved.
“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained” ~Winston Churchill
"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck
“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained” ~Winston Churchill
"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." ~Erma Bombeck
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